Social Intelligence – The New Science of Success

<p>Foreword vii</p>
<p>Acknowledgment ix</p>
<p>Preface xi</p>
<p>1. A Different Kind of "Smart" 1</p>
<p>Old Wine in New Bottles? 3</p>
<p>Going Beyond IQ 6</p>
<p>EI, SI, or Both? 10</p>
<p>From Toxic to Nourishing 12</p>
<p>Blind Spots, Lenses, and Filters 14</p>
<p>Social Halitosis, Flatulence, and Dandruff 16</p>
<p>The "Dilbert" Factor 23</p>
<p>Can We Become a Socially Smarter Species? 25</p>
<p>S.P.A.C.E.:The Skills of Interaction 28</p>
<p>2. "S" Stands for Situational Awareness 33</p>
<p>Situational Dumbness and Numbness 34</p>
<p>Ballistic Podiatry: Making the Worst of a Situation 36</p>
<p>Reading the Social Context 38</p>
<p>What to Look For 40</p>
<p>The Proxemic Context 41</p>
<p>The Behavioral Context 47</p>
<p>The Semantic Context 51</p>
<p>Navigating Cultures and Subcultures 58</p>
<p>Codes of Conduct: Violate the Rules at Your Peril 61</p>
<p>Building the Skills of Situational Awareness 66</p>
<p>3. "P" Stands for Presence 69</p>
<p>Being There 70</p>
<p>Is Charisma Over–Rated? 72</p>
<p>Do Looks Matter? 75</p>
<p>Reading (and Shaping) the "Rules of Engagement" 75</p>
<p>The Ugly American Syndrome 78</p>
<p>More of You, Less of Me 80</p>
<p>A Case of Attitude 82</p>
<p>Building the Skills of Presence 85</p>
<p>4. "A" Stands for Authenticity 87</p>
<p>Take a Tip from Popeye 88</p>
<p>It′s a Beautiful Day in the SI Neighborhood 90</p>
<p>The Snap–On Smile: Can You Fake Sincerity? 93</p>
<p>Left–Handed Compliments 94</p>
<p>The Puppy Dog Syndrome 97</p>
<p>Narcissism: It′s Really All About Me 98</p>
<p>Head Games, Power Struggles, and Manipulation 102</p>
<p>Building the Skills of Authenticity 105</p>
<p>5. "C" Stands for Clarity 107</p>
<p>A Way with Words 108</p>
<p>Hoof–in–Mouth Disease: Sometimes Silence Works Best 110</p>
<p>Role–Speak and Real–Speak 114</p>
<p>Helicopter Language and Elevator Speeches 116</p>
<p>"Clean" Language and "Dirty" Language 119</p>
<p>Verbal Bludgeons 121</p>
<p>Taking a Brain for a Walk 125</p>
<p>The Power of Metaphor 128</p>
<p>E–Prime: the Language of Sanity 130</p>
<p>Building the Skills of Clarity 135</p>
<p>6. "E" Stands for Empathy 137</p>
<p>What Destroys Empathy? 138</p>
<p>What Builds Empathy? 142</p>
<p>The Platinum Rule 147</p>
<p>The Irony of Empathic Professions 149</p>
<p>L.E.A.P.S.: Empathy by Design 152</p>
<p>Empathy in Four Minutes 154</p>
<p>Building the Skills of Empathy 156</p>
<p>7. Assessing and Developing SI 159</p>
<p>AssessingYour Interaction Skills 160</p>
<p>Self–Awareness: Seeing Yourself as Others See You 166</p>
<p>Assessing Your Interaction Style: Drivers, Energizers, Diplomats, and Loners 168</p>
<p>The Strength–Weakness Irony 177</p>
<p>Priorities for Improvement 180</p>
<p>8. SI in the World of Work: Some Reflections 185</p>
<p>The Real and Legal Consequences of Social Incompetence 184</p>
<p>Cultures of Conflict and Craziness 187</p>
<p>Hierarchies,Testosterone, and Gender Politics 193</p>
<p>Getting it Right at Work and Wrong at Home 198</p>
<p>The Diversity Puzzle 200</p>
<p>Ritual, Ceremony, and Celebration 203</p>
<p>Positive Politics: Getting Ahead with Your Value System Intact 207</p>
<p>9. SI in Charge: Thoughts on Developing Socially Intelligent Leaders 211</p>
<p>The S.O.B. Factor 212</p>
<p>Executive Hubris: Its Costs and Consequences 216</p>
<p>Best Boss,Worst Boss 219</p>
<p>P.O.W.E.R.:Where It Comes From, How to Get It 222</p>
<p>How the Worst Bastards on the Planet Get and Keep Power 224</p>
<p>The Algebra of Influence 226</p>
<p>S.P.I.C.E.: Leading When You′re Not In Charge 227</p>
<p>10. SI and Conflict: Thoughts About Getting Along 233</p>
<p>The Double Spiral of Conflict 234</p>
<p>Why Argue? 241</p>
<p>Crucial Conversations 243</p>
<p>Added Value Negotiating 246</p>
<p>Epilogue. SI and the Next Generation: Who′s Teaching Our Kids? 253</p>
<p>Our Children Are Not Our Children 254</p>
<p>The (Only) Ten Basic News Stories 256</p>
<p>Anxiety Drives Attention 260</p>
<p>Breaking the Addiction to Television 262</p>
<p>The Buying of Our Babies 265</p>
<p>Video Games:The New Sandlot 267</p>
<p>Teachers, Parents, or Neither? 270</p>
<p>Belonging or Be Longing? 272</p>
<p>The S.P.A.C.E. Solution for Schools 276</p>
<p>A Prescription for SI at Every Age 278</p>
<p>Index 281</p>
<p>About the Author 289</p>