This Is How You Love Her

A fiercely candid, funny, and sometimes heartbreaking blend of memoir and self-help on vulnerability, identity, and reclaiming your life

What if you didn't need Bali to find yourself? For 14 years, Traci Saulsberry led communications at NBC, becoming one of the youngest Black executives at the company. She had everything a modern woman is told to want—the house, her son, the high-powered job.

But when her carefully constructed life collapsed, Saulsberry was confronted with a question she'd been avoiding for years: Who was she, really?

Here I was, caught on my heels, with no backup lover to pick up the slack. Naturally, because I am a product of an adolescence spent binging rom-coms filled with sweeping tales, I wanted to run away and leave it all behind. I romanticized that there must be a flight to the farthest island on the edge of the world where I could just start over again. My archnemesis, reality, quickly snapped me out of that daydream. I wasn't going anywhere. I felt trapped.

This Is How You Love Her is a vulnerable narrative guide to uncovering your identity in life's small moments, right where you are. With wit and insight, heart and cinematic prose, Saulsberry weaves together pages from her journal, conversational guides, poetry, and reflection prompts in this memoir-meets-guide that gives readers permission to get to know themselves at their own pace.

For anyone who's ever lost themselves in work, relationships, or the image they built to survive—this is your roadmap home.

And this is how you love her.

Perfect for fans of memoirs, self-help, and journaling, this book explores:Perfection: Unlearning the belief that you’re not allowed to get it wrongBody Autonomy: Reclaiming your body  and learning to be present in your own skinBoundaries: Setting limits with the people you love most, even when it means risking the relationshipControl: Releasing the need to manage everyone's perception and trusting yourself to just be